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In the midst of my routine which is often very busy. Me time is a luxury for me. i deliberately always choose me time every time i finish doing some of my college assignments that will never end until i graduate. The biggest reason i do me time is because i want to give myself some time for my mental health and well-being.

The thing called me time, we must spend time alone, right? Therefore, i chose to go to one of the biggest malls in my town which is only 850 meters from my house. Actually i could have gone on foot there because it was close to my house, even though it took about 11 minutes. But, because today i'm so lazy and don't want to expend too much energy from my body, so, i choose to go there by riding my own motorbike.

After parking my motorbike properly. I immediately went to the entrance that is next to this big mall building (i chose the entrance that was close to the basement). It's feel so strange that i come here alone. Honestly, i feel scared, especially seeing the crowds passing by, that i don't know at all really makes me feel more anxious. However, i don't want to spoil my me time which i can only get once in a month. So, i chose to be chill, and didn't really care about my anxious feelings. However, i also remain to be aware, afraid that there will be a bad people who intend to hurt me.

Remember, crime never knows time and place. We can be victims of crime wherever and whenever we are. So, please be on your guard.

I used the escalator to get to the second floor. I don't intend to visit other places in this big mall, i only intend to visit one of the big and well-known bookstores—which is on the second floor. I didn't have an important purpose in coming there, it's just that i miss wanting to smell the new book that always calms my brain and mind, and also the beautiful swinging sounds of jazz that allow me to momentarily let go of the burden and anxiety that plagued myself. Oh, if there's a novel that i find interesting, I'll definitely buy it.

Once inside, i immediately walked to the novel section. I stood in front of a tall brown wooden shelf, gazing at the many novels by famous writers—and i always hoped that one day, i could write a novel and my novels would be displayed there together with novels by Tere Liye, Pidi Baiq, Ilana Tan, and all the other famous and great novelists.

I'm too busy looking at so many novels, and also busy choosing which novel that i want to buy. Until, i did not realize, there is someone who is now standing beside me. Then, after i came to my senses, the corner of my eye glanced at his feet first, then to his waist, and now, i saw his face. I was surprised, my body automatically turned and stiffened. Without warning, my eyes immediately heated up—im sure the tears had already accumulated in my eyes, urging them to come out.

He smiled at me. The smile that i always miss for the last 5 years or so. i still didn't move, my blood swished, my heart sank with pain, longing, and happiness. I can't believe that i will finally meet him again, after 5 years. The tears that had been gathering in my eyes, were ready to come out whenever they wanted.

And when he says, “hai” my tears are coming out. My defenses suddenly crumble. I dropped my pride by crying in front of him. Even though this is our meeting after 5 years we haven't seen each other.

I didn't answer his greeting. I was still crying, pulling my snot that came out along with the tears. I desperately shifted my gaze the other way, so i wouldn't see him too much. Unfortunately, i'm like a robot controlled by a remote. I kept looking at him, which made me cry again.

I couldn't help, but cry when he suddenly took my hand, and said a few words while still smiling at me. He said,

“I've always hoped to meet you someday, and it turns out that God is so nice, because we finally met here, even though it took a long time. I am so glad. And im so happy to see you are living well. Thank you, ya?”

Just so you know, i've never lived well.

Just so you know, i always compare myself to other people, i always cry everynight because i feel the world is too cruel to me, i tormented because i keep living under your shadow.

Just so you know, i went to psychiatrist, i tried to kill myself. I feel a lot of pain. I've never lived well, just so you know.

He looked me straight in the eye with a smile on his face that hadn't disappeared. I saw him spread his arms, signaling for me to take one step closer to him, and hugged him.

I can't stand with this feelings of longing anymore, and with still wailing tears, i walked one step closer to him, and hugged him tightly. Like there is no tomorrow for me to hug him like this.

He hugged me back no less tightly. I felt his hand stroking my hair. His mouth which is almost close to my ear is whispering something,

“Thank you for surviving. So i can make my wish come true.

And im sorry that i wasn't there during your hard times.

Im too cowardly because i can only see you through my phone screen, without bravingly to asked how you're doing. Are you good or not. Im so sorry.”

Still in his arms. I nodded, answering all of his whispers which felt more soothing than the jazz playing in the back.

For a moment, this place seemed to turn into the most romantic place, without books, without employees and people whos walking around looking for a books. Its just me and him. Im so happy, but i can't stop crying while im hugged him.

Go with me, everywhere in the world, bare skin in sunshine, lost under moonshine. Let's go.